The Blues Brother

July 13, 2008

Dear all,

 

Did anyone else suffer from the blues today?

 

I’m still not sure what to do with myself. I can’t face the prospect of television, and am doing my best to stay away from the worlds of books or magazines. I can’t even listen to music, something which ruled my world just 9 days ago. Well, aside from a sublime little band called ‘The Album Leaf’, who make serene instrumental music that does to your ears what a great artist may do with a paintbrush to your eyes. ‘The Saturday Crew’ may know them after hearing me briefly play them at the house. One person certainly will. Either way, I think my period of R&R is over.

 

I woke up this morning feeling like hell – the combination of dry throat and snotty nose makes me think I may have caught someone’s cold.

 

After getting up around 9, and pottering a while, I finished the blog I began last night before heading down the road to my local shopping centre, where I bought paper and a picture frame to complete the picture in my earlier entry. On the way back, I bought a newspaper and a magazine, and, when I got home, I sat at the table munching a breakfast/lunch of a bacon sandwich. Whether my Spiritual Self is Jewish or not, a bacon sandwich had undeniable appeal. Before I knew it, I had just been sitting there an hour; no email checking, no moving, getting up, or playing with my phone. I don’t know that I’ve ever done that before.

 

But I was feeling alone. I guess that’s when I wrote to you all. I fell asleep around 4 or so, worried that this silence and period of reflection I was forcing myself into was actually a deep depression. ‘They certainly didn’t warn us about that’, I thought. Waking around 5, I was struck by a need to get out of the house – to walk in a park, or just go for a drive.

 

It was fortunate, then, that at that moment, my girlfriend should call and ask me if I wanted to do something – perhaps meet her and her mother in town for a drink. This energised me, and in no time, I was driving in silence to central London, (I still am not good with noise in the car, preferring to have some time to think) and parking on Hanover Street.

 

A ten minute walk later, and I am in Leicester Square, eating a carb-tastic dinner, and watching the world go by. To anyone who looked at me, I am sure it looked as though I was a man alone, staring into space, but I was really looking at people, watching the way they looked at friends or partners, noting the way they dressed. I didn’t even look at my phone, or indeed anything other than a menu until my girlfriend and her mum turned up.

 

And let me tell you, friends, tonight was the night where the little people inside of me – all four of them – did a jig in my head. Tonight was results night. The conversation flowed without pause. I was confident, interested and engaging. I was the me I guess I always thought I could be, and in between cups of tea, glasses of wine at All Bar One, (Diet Coke for me) and ice cream, I genuinely felt my emotional child smile. Perhaps THIS is completion.

 

And, as I got in the car and drove home, I felt alive. I felt higher than I have ever done before – and I’ve been pretty high – and though the silence remained all the way from Regent Street to my front door, the sound of high fives in my head, and the huge grin on my face told its own story. Tomorrow, I continue my adventures in the real world – a real world that is going to include a whole lot of ironing.

 

Until then, dear friends, it is good night from me.

 

Lots of love,

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