Bad Mood, Or Bad Pattern?

July 24, 2008

Today I feel a little like ‘Sex and the City’ character Carrie Bradshaw – living in my own little world, pounding away at a computer and asking the big life questions no one can possibly answer.


I can’t lie. I was in a bad mood. I think this may have been the case since last night, in fact. Last night, instead of leaving work and embarking on another ‘London adventure’, I headed straight home – the first time I have done this since leaving Florence House.


 I guess I was tired, but with my parents returning to the country today (Thursday) and wanting to discuss my University aspirations with them, I wanted to have as much done as possible in terms of my personal statement and accompanying paperwork.


But I was distracted, nay, looking for distraction. Instead of heading home, I went food shopping, and ended up repeating an old, and most detested of patterns – buying something, and then immediately regretting it. In this case, a Wii Fit. (Luckily, later that night, eBay came to my rescue, but that’s not the point)


Though my mood was totally buoyed by talking to someone on the phone for over an hour, I got home still ultimately feeling not all that wonderful. I quickly fixed myself a dinner of Sultana Bran – normally a sure sign of ‘zoning out’ – and tried out this Wii Fit thing, which was, frankly rubbish.


I played, and I pottered; I basically did anything that helped me not think, eventually going to bed in scorching heat at about 10pm feeling really rather shitty.


There’s something else that is frustrating me. I can’t really talk about it here – it’s not that I want to keep any secrets, it’s just not fair, because it involves someone else. Just in case you’re thinking this doesn’t really add up.


I wasn’t feeling much better when I woke up this morning. Having the bright idea to do a Quadrinity Check In and/or Light Journey, I found myself struggling to concentrate, frequently thinking about other things. The tube isn’t the best place to do it anyway, but I really got nothing out of it this time, despite starting the Check-In twice.


Eventually, as the train pulled into my first change of stations at Tottenham Court Road, I decided to walk from there to work, and when I eventually arrived, having picked up a breakfast of fresh melon and a Danish on the way, I felt a lot better. I was still worried, though – but this disappeared after talking to people here in the office.


Now, I’m just tired, I think. Tired, and, when things are busy in a job you don’t particularly like, as they are for me right now, there breeds a resentment. Nothing big, but it’s there.


Anyway blog fans, sorry for the short one today. I’m kind of all over the place with work.


Much love to you all,

Closed Box




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