Abres Los Ojos

July 27, 2008

Good Morning Blog Fans

Well, actually, it’s 9.30pm Sunday.

I don’t really like to forward plan these blogs too much – I think it affects the flow of the writing – but this evening, as the sun sets on another weekend, I was ironing myself into a sweat, and, with quite an eventful couple of days behind me, I was inspired to sit here and externalise some of what was floating around in my head.

Or, I have a pattern of avoiding my ironing. One of the two.

There is a saying: that to truly love someone, you have to let them go.

And I guess that is what I did. Friends, Romans, and blog readers, I am afraid my relationship ended this weekend. Please lend me your ears while I digress.

I feel no regret, nor do I feel neither happiness nor relief. I feel not sad, nor do I feel like I am repeating an old pattern of rejecting before being rejected. I feel… as though I have done the right thing.

Lucy, my now ex-girlfriend, was here in London for a year, and we met halfway through that time period. She, originally from Jersey, was sent over here by her law firm to work for an even bigger law firm, presumably to steal their secrets or something. We met at one of my best friend’s birthday parties – dated, and somewhere down the line, fell in love.

Lucy was a totally new experience for me – for one thing, I actually liked her, and I had an unerring urge to be faithful – not something I had a great history of.

In the past, my attitudes to all things has been ‘I’ll deal with it when it comes’. In paying my bills, though I (normally) had the money, it would take a phone call from the phone company to get me to pay, and this attitude would run through all aspects of my life. Coming out of Hoffman, I have been very aware that I needed to start claiming my own space; to deal with things not at the last minute, but to preempt and to plan.

And this is what happened with Lucy.

After some wrestling with the concept in her mind, Lucy has decided to return to Jersey in November. Though her desire was to remain in London, and possibly switch vocations, being not all that fond of the one she has now, she feels as though she has an obligation to do what she feels is right. More power to her, I say, and it shows a true moral fibre that she would do something she may not want to out of a sense of duty.

But, in my mind, this suddenly created a giant flashing neon sign in our future – a point when she would return to Jersey, and our relationship would suddenly come under immense strain.

With a failed long-distance relationship in my (fairly) recent past, and fearing the prospect of falling out with my best friend, I admit it – I jumped. Of course, that isn’t the be all and end all of the story, but that’s the crux of it. I looked into the future, saw something I felt/knew was a recipe for disaster, and took what I felt was the right decision. Hopefully, though we are no longer together, we can continue to work on our relationship as friends. And I sincerely mean that.

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