Movin’ On Up

August 1, 2008

Welcome blog-a-teers

 

Welcome to my world. Come in, make yourself comfy, and don’t make a mess of the carpet.

 

Last night, I cried for the first time – masterpieces aside – since I have left Florence House. I have recognised a few old patterns come up recently, and they have been troubling me somewhat. Last night, I turned off all the lights except for one flickering candle, opened the window to allow the sounds of nature to flood in, and played ‘I Am That I Am’ – an affirmation of my Spiritual Self – and tears streamed down my cheeks. I cried for those things I have done, and for those I have not.

 

I am finding it harder to concentrate on these things – the Check In, The Light Journey – and it is frustrating me. I think part of me is searching for that same Hoffman serenity I felt at Florence House, and since the reunion, I have felt a distance from the practices; like it was Hoffman, the reunion, and then ‘here you are – have fun in the world.’ I am not depressed – far from it – but rather I am conscious of that ‘Hoffman High’ not being what it was.

 

It was then, alas, that another Hoffman person should call me and ask for aid during a dark side moment. If you are reading this now, please accept my apologies. I did my best, indeed you said you felt better for it, but it was not as I would have liked.

 

I decided at that moment that I need to get back to doing some bashing. This weekend, along with buying myself a new laptop at some point, I will be buying myself a bat.

 

Before that rolls around, however, I still am nicely filled with Hoffman love. This evening, with a brother filling his guts with vile cocktails and young women in Magaluf, and a father winging his way around South America, I will be taking my mother out for dinner. Today, if I ever think about the experiences of Florence House slipping away from me, I’ll think about what I am doing this evening, recycle my genuine enthusiasm for it, and remind myself that the David who existed on the 3rd July would never have done this.

 

This coming weekend will be a strange one – for a number of reasons. Firstly, it is the first one since the break up of my relationship, and frankly, I don’t have a whole lot planned, which is a very strange feeling, being that pre-Hoffman, I would have killed to have nothing to do.

 

I am, however, in the process of moving, which in itself is quite nerve-wracking. Tomorrow, I am viewing a studio flat near where I ideally want to live, and a flat share somewhere near Stoke Newington, which is the financially sensible option, as well as the best for my proximity to work, but I am not sure I want to live somewhere I don’t know with someone I don’t know. This whole experience is going to be a big test of my newly-discovered Hoffman values, I feel.

 

Sunday is pretty much clear – I’m considering a movie day – and then Sunday evening I am (hopefully) going to watch the football.

 

The whole prospect of this weekend would have made me beat myself up something terrible pre-Hoffman. Now, however, I am more comfortable around people, and the idea of making friends. Like work, and like any future career, I have recognised that relationships – romantic or otherwise – are slow to build. In the next week, I am reconnecting with a number of people, and hopefully, that connection will last. Also, I think it is important to spend some time with myself, and this weekend will hopefully provide me with that opportunity.

 

So, until Monday, have a wonderful weekend full of life, laughter, happiness, and light.

 

Lots of love,

Closed Box

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2 Responses to “Movin’ On Up”

  1. Neil Manchester Says:

    Hi David- this isn’t the jolly blog we’re used to. I know what you mean about the fading Hoffman high, it just came quicker to some than it has done for the rest of us. Last night was a strange one for me, when for the first time since Flo Ho I simply couldn’t think of anything meaningful to do. Actually, I did some domestic paperwork in the end, but I felt totally lost and quite down. I don’t know the answer, but as Zein said, it will take 21 times for something to become a fixed pattern, so lets keep reading the handbook, listening to the CDs and using the tools….
    Neil

  2. Lorna Says:

    … end of relationship? with who?… and why?


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