Free Sex!

August 19, 2008

There’s never a 70’s porn album lying around when you need one, eh?


How are you today blog fans? I am having one of those days where I don’t like the sight of my own face, and I look like I got dressed in the middle of a heavy beating. I’m not depressed – actually, I feel rather chipper – but I’m having whatever the equivalent of a bad hair day is when it applies to just… everything.


Anyway, the theme of today’s blog is love… down and dirty love.


Get your mind out of the gutter.


Yesterday, I received an email from a friend, who was beating himself up because he had lost the will to say ‘no’ to a second drink – a disaster for him, because he had been so proud and happy that this urge had gone after he left the process.


You know, I am not qualified to talk about much. Chicken sandwiches, which I pretty much live on… yeah, I could school you on that. Pointless, endless blogging? Yep, I can tell you all about that. And the ‘urge’? Oh you better believe I know about that.


Let’s talk about the ‘urge’ shall we?


Follow me here for a moment. The human emotion is a scale – 1 is depression, 5 is equilibrium, and 10 is… lets say, going with the theme, great, mind-blowing sex. Most people spend their lives actively fighting to stay at 5, but they do it by constantly searching for a 7 or 8, and the subsequent failure leaves them at around a 4.


Imagine going across the scale of 1 to 10, crossing at the number 5, is another scale, say… it’s labelled A-J, leaving a scale of human emotion looking like a ’+’ sign. This axis is your spiritual self (for my Hoffman people) or simply your conscious mind for those unfamiliar with this term. For example, you could be a ‘5A’, which would be settled, but unhappy about it/restless, or you could be … ‘1J’, which would be revelling in depression, and fully immersed in your so-called ‘dark side’. In this model, our centre point, and I suppose by definition our point of satisfaction, is ‘5E’.


Open a new word document at work at home, or wherever you are, and put a giant cross, as big as you can fit on the page, smack in the middle of it, and print it out.


Going clockwise, write a ‘10’ at the top axis, a ‘J’ at the right, a ‘1’ at the bottom, and an ‘A’ on the left. This is a (very) simple ‘me chart’.


Like I said – and I stress, this is only my contention, and by no means based in any other facts that I have thought up this morning over tea – most of us exist around the middle – a ‘3’ or ‘4’ when we’re in a bad mood, or our negative patterns are particularly evident, or a ‘6’ when we’re in a good mood.


Most of us are aware at any point that there is room for improvement – like if we’re at work, and we’re feeling a ‘6’, we’re probably saying to ourselves something like ‘I’d be so much happier with half an hour more sleep’ or ‘I shouldn’t have had that last glass of wine’.


Unfortunately, not ALL people exist within these barriers.


When we are fighting against something – depression, a bad mood, negative patterns – we normally try to combat this by actively engaging in behaviour or acts that allow us to feel something more, be it great sex, ‘I’m going to go out on Saturday and get smashed’, or perhaps retail therapy.


Temporarily, this raises our spirits to a ‘7’ or an ‘8’, but this is where the horizontal axis comes into play, as it is my contention that you’re actually sliding to the left, and to a ‘B’ or ‘C’ with it.


And this is probably about where the email yesterday came in. Realisation that you’re a ‘7B’ or an ‘8A’ leads to an immediate drop to around a ‘4’ or worse.


Mentally map what I am about to say. Let’s say my friend starts at a ‘5E’ one day. He goes for a drink, and enjoys the first one, which raises him to a ‘7G’ – a point of happy contentedness. Even though he is out having a good time, he wrestles with the prospect of that second drink, which drops him to a ‘7B’ or ‘7C’, at which point, when he finishes is, he drops to around a ‘4B’ or ‘4C’ as he feels disappointment that he couldn’t say no, or is drinking – which may have been one of his patterns. Now we enter a crucial phase, and this is where all our Hoffman teachings come into play.


At this point, depressives will drop further, possibly to a ‘2’ or ‘3’, before levelling off as the self-disgust (and/or other) fades away.


What I have learned, and what I hope my model will begin to illustrate, is to recognise when I am a, for example, ‘4C’. This self awareness, that I am entering a bad pattern or cycle, or beating myself up, should give some sort of relief, which takes us back to the middle, at which point (hopefully) relief takes us over the to right side (ie, ‘4H’) before returning us to our equilibrium point of ‘5E’.


Again, at this point, there is a danger. And this is where the urge comes in.


In the Hoffman Process, we learned much about vicious circles; how they affect and dictate to us.  Imagine our diagram above is a real place, and we’re walking it. If we follow what we have set out above, and we are heading towards the point of ‘5E’, imagine there is a sign before you, with two arrows and directional points. One says ‘give yourself a break’, and is labelled ‘5E’. The other, ‘the urge’, which is labelled ‘7H’. The direction you take is intrinsically linked to your levels of self love.


‘The Urge’ is a killer, make no mistake, but it is not the be-all-and-end-all. At any point, you can allow yourself to say ‘no’, turn around, or just allow yourself to be who you are. This stops the patterns repeating themselves, and, as my friend found out, the prospect of beating yourself up. ‘The Urge’ is most certainly that bit which takes you all the way to the ‘7H’, before dumping you much further down the road.


Corny as it may be, the simple process of ‘5E’, ‘7H’, ‘7C’, ‘4C’, ‘4H’, before returning back to ‘5E’ looks distinctly like heart – and that’s because, in this model, it’s about recognising that which we do, or get ourselves into, and allowing ourselves to exist.


I realise that what I have written for the most part is gibberish, but it is based in something very clear I have noticed, and since this is my blog, I can say what I like! *sticks out tongue* This model, this recording of behaviour, can actually help us identify what sets us off. Instead of crossing a mood on the map, sometimes (and I stress, this is mentally, I don’t walk around with pieces of paper with crosses on them) I write an event, so I can map how I am feeling. Say with eating – I indulge myself in eating something I really want – a popular choice here would be something with buckets of sugar in it (7H), which leads to regret (7B), beating myself up about it (3/4B) and then just letting it go. Mapping this in my head illustrates to me that one of my patterns/cycles is ‘indulgence = regret/self loathing’, and it stops me from repeating it.


Perhaps it would be worth just mapping your own today. I am no expert by any means, but its certainly worked for me, and whether you’re my friend beating himself up for that second drink or feeling ‘the urge’, or whatever it is that troubles you, at the very least, you’ll be self aware, and that’s what our entire process was about.


Do it, friends, I promise you, you’ll feel better for knowing. Then, you can give yourself a break, enjoy your life, have a second drink, and even, if its your poison, some good old fashioned guilt-free sex.


Until tomorrow


Yours incoherently,

Closed Box (6E today)


PS – Feel free to leave me a comment, perhaps even just a number and a letter, letting me know how you feel today.


PPS – Lots of new things to play with on the side of the blog. You can now easily access past posts either through the calendar, or the last ten entries are now listed at the top.


2 Responses to “Free Sex!”

  1. johnnypolo Says:

    Interesting things to think about. I hope your friend is getting by with his urges.

    I think I’d classify myself as 5B in this moment.

  2. sulz Says:

    i think i’m a 5e now, but only because i’ve just finished work a few hours ago. it will surely plummet by 8am tomorrow. 😆

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