‘Twas the Night before Closure

September 17, 2008

‘twas the night before Closure, and in Florence House,

Not a Hoffmanite was stirring, free of their doubts,

For the time to go home and Closure was nearly at hand,

And no more purple children – isn’t that grand!

 

The teachers were nestled all sung in their beds,

With visions of light filling their heads,

The last day of process, I’m ready I am,

Nearly time to go home, and finally make love to my hand!

 

But as I said there’s Closure, which starts around 5

And people come and visit, to talk about their lives,

They’ll say ‘the world ain’t so bad, in fact, it’s alright!’

‘Happy Closure to all, and to all, good night!’

 

Good morning everyone!

 

As you may be able to tell, I am feeling somewhat poetic this morning! I wore a scarf for the first time since summer today – winter is coming, and that makes me happy. If you ever want to see a grown man revert to a child-like state, come to my house when it snows and watch me play in the garden. Seriously.

 

On the flip side, if you ever want to see me cry like a little bitch, then come to my house when they’re handing out medals at the Paralympics. I caught a little bit of it yesterday, and… well, I got to a point where I couldn’t watch anymore. Very moving. Anyway, I need a haircut. (He said, swiftly changing the subject to protect his macho image)

 

I am pleased to announce that I did indeed cancel my date last night. Slight shame in that I didn’t tell the truth as to why – but there’s no need to be cruel as well as unreliable. She’s a nice enough girl and all, but, well… just read yesterday’s entry for the rest of this tale.

 

Folks, in just 48 hours, I will be sitting here blogging about my experiences at Closure, and just in case I haven’t made it clear, I CAN’T FUCKING WAIT.

 

Had a total pattern run in with my father yesterday, which actually, I’m going to tell you about before I get into the whole Closure thing.

 

So last night, I am talking to my parents, and dropped in a reminder that I was doing this Closure thing on Thursday. One of the most heated and charged patterns I go into with my parents is their complete and utter arrogance on all subjects – just in case you’re wondering where I get it from.

 

I explained to them that I was looking forward to doing Closure, and my father totally dismissed it, and when I explained that I would have quite liked a heads up on the first couple of months, and what they held, his response was ‘well, with respect, I’ve done quite a lot of research into the process, and you’re just at the start…’ He was actually, in his sheer arrogance, trying to suggest that he knew more about the process then someone that had actually done it. Obviously, there’s more than I wrote up there, but I can’t be bothered to write about it; I’m in a good mood, and it’ll fucking piss me off. I think I have my next gym post-it note ready to go.

 

It’s part of my father’s make up, sadly. He’ll either be into something if he knows the facts about it, or has evidence of it working, but if it is something he ever-so-slightly doesn’t understand, or doesn’t agree with, he will immediately dismiss it, and fight his corner with an arrogant sneer. Ugh. Very, very annoying.

 

Anyway, I think I’ll just keep my Hoffman stuff to myself in future. Well, between myself and any of you that care to read about it here…

 

I was going to use today to ‘map out’ my mental state right now – I even had pre-prepared categories, in order, to use as sub-headings, things like ‘Why I Came To The Process’ and ‘What Hasn’t Changed – Other People!’ But last night, as I was having a think about what I was going to write, I got a feeling, as us Hoffman people tend to do, that it wasn’t right.

 

The great thing about the Process is that it really teaches you how to relate to your heart, and your sense of what is wrong and right. No-one is perfect, and we certainly all do things which might be considered wrong, but the difference for many of us is that self-awareness that allows us to be in touch with knowing this, and, in time, to get away from repeating those same mistakes. (Read: not going on a pointless date for the wrong reasons)

 

Personally, it is this feeling of self-awareness that has allowed me to get away from the ‘act’ of David – a pre-prepared series of lies and deflections, all very well rehearsed, and presented in a lovely little package with a nice bum. But seriously, as I was thinking last night, I suddenly became very conscious of the feeling that I didn’t want to be prepared. I wanted to go to Closure, and just let the real stuff flow from the heart.

 

Aside from rolling around in the snow, the one thing guaranteed to make me smile right now is talking about my process. I’ve mentioned it before, but when I talk about the changes in me and my life, I can feel my face light up – and I don’t think I’ll have that same reaction if I’m straining to remember what I wrote in a blog a couple of days before.

 

So folks, I’m giving that whole thing a miss, and drawing today’s entry to a close.

 

So wishing you all a great day filled with love and light,

It’s good bye from me, and to all, good night!

 

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