Addicted To Ape Rockaoke

September 26, 2008

Let me give you an insight into addiction.


Has everyone reading had either that conversation or mental thought process that starts ‘what would you do if you won the lottery?’ Yes? Everyone? Good, so I’ll continue.


Yesterday, we had one of these ridiculous conversations in my office, and everyone is going around talking about houses and cars and everything else. As far as I remember, the last time I did any sort of drugs was either 2001 or 2002. So a good six years, either way.


I answered some rubbish about giving some away to charity and then using it as a platform to do some good in the world, but honestly, the first thought that came into my mind was something altogether less wholesome. Since yesterday, I haven’t been able to get the idea of drugs out of my mind. Mountains of the stuff. Absolute mountains. I don’t want to do any, nor do I really feel that much of an urge, but something in my subconscious mind has had a switch ‘flicked’, and is remembering what it can of the ‘old days’.


This probably isn’t helped by reading ‘A Million Little Pieces’ on the way home. For those that don’t know it is a sometime fictional, sometime factual account of a man’s journey through addiction and recovery.


Because that’s the way addiction works. Much like The Hoffman Process, it trains your mind to think a certain way – in this case, regardless of the ridiculous logic – and you associate it with a feeling, a way of life, or an image of yourself. It has been six years since I gave up the mountain of chemical dependence in my life, and yet, for the last twelve hours or so, I have thought of little else.


This may sound awfully depressing, and I suppose outwardly, I can see why. But actually, the last twelve hours have provided me with great strength. Every time things like this come up, and I fight against them, I am reminded of why I stopped in the first place, what I was doing to myself and to others, and how much better off I am in the world.



If anyone ever asks me how I know I will keep up with what has happened on The Hoffman Process out in the ‘real world’, I always repeat that mantra ‘why I stopped in the first place, what I was doing to myself and to others, and how much better off I am in the world,’ but to myself, I give a knowing smile. I’ve been here before.


Before that conversation came up, I was having a lovely day. I am feeling particularly brave at the moment, so I have decided to organise something for my birthday for the first time in absolutely AGES. Though I am firmly of the belief that it is the company, not the venue which make the day, it’s still nice to have somewhere fun to go, so I’ll be throwing it at Punk, a club in the Soho area of London. ( It’s a typical club sort of venue, but with one particular difference that night. Instead of a DJ, they have a live band called ‘Rockaoke’ ( playing – a live karaoke experience, where instead of music playing, you have a band, and whoever gets up on stage is the singer. It’s going to be so much fun!


The weekend is (thankfully) upon us. Work is boring me shitless at the moment, and the thought of coming in here tomorrow would probably push me over the edge. Tonight, sadly, I am missing a support group meeting with my Hoffman group, and I could probably do with going to be honest. Still, family commitments must come first.


Quick respite from regret will come on Saturday, though, as I, with my group, attend something called ‘Go Ape’ – – a theme park in the trees. I really can’t explain it, so I’ve copied and pasted this from the site:


Go Ape is an award-winning high wire forest adventure course of rope bridges, Tarzan swings and zip slides… all set high up in the tree tops.

Providing a fun day out with friends, families or colleagues, you’ll be fitted with a climbing harness and given instruction before trekking from tree to tree high above the forest floor.  Split into a number of different sections, the experience takes approximately 2.5-3 hours to complete but may vary depending on how many people are up in the trees.


It either sounds horrendous, or great fun. I guess it depends what sort of person you are. Me… I’m looking forward to it. Perhaps I’ll knock up a picture of two for Monday’s blog.


But that’s me done for today – I wish you all a great weekend.


Lots of love,

Closed Box


One Response to “Addicted To Ape Rockaoke”

  1. neil Says:

    go ape was a great day out for all concerned. David, will you be telling your blogfans that you bottled it and didn’t-finish the course when all the girlies did? And if that political dick is reading this, don’t get wound up and get a life. Finally david, drive quicker as i want to get tome tonight (only he mike and dom will understand that bit).

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