Much A-Jew About Nothing

November 28, 2008

Dear Readers


It is with regret that I must begin today’s blog on a sombre note.


It seems that not everyone on planet blog has a sense of humour. Some, clearly with not enough intelligence to see that 99% of what I say is with tongue firmly in cheek, deem it necessary to read my blog, take it literally, and send me abusive emails. Which is fine.


But if you’re going to call me a ‘cunt’, please at least spell it correctly. We’re all about correct spelling here on ‘Arrogant Fuckwit and to the Future’.


To anyone reading this today, a plea from this blog’s author: If you are not intelligent enough to spot sarcasm or satire please do us all (mostly me) a favour and FUCK OFF. If you don’t like what I write, FUCK OFF. If you do not get that I (a) make reference to, and (b) constantly make fun of Jewish people because I myself am Jewish, then please stop reading immediately – you’re embarrassing us both.


And lastly, you can call me every name in the sun – I don’t care. But don’t make fun of my hair. That shit ain’t cool. Dick.


On a lighter note, yesterday was a fine day.


I managed to meet JL, who has not changed even one tiny bit (this is a good thing) for some coffee and Yo! Sushi – where I introduced her to the delights of Yakatori chicken – as planned. I was much more nervous than I let on – as I always tend to be when I am meeting people who I have wronged in the past – and I kept making stupid jokes about myself. Total defence mechanism.


Unfortunately for all concerned, JL is not the only person I have ‘wronged’ in my life, and my nerves stem from what I view as weak excuses, in my more unsure moments. I have learnt, as my Hoffman group will attest, that my behaviour was often not my fault, but rather a learned or reacted behavioural pattern. Often, they were natural defence mechanisms. But it takes a person of serious compassion, empathy, or understanding to buy that.


I want to, and do, accept responsibility for all my actions. I do not blame myself for everything as I once did, but I accept responsibility for my past, so I can absolve myself in my present. It’s the only way I find I really let go. This process, however, tends to leave me in an apathetic no-mans land, where I am fighting between telling someone ‘it wasn’t me, it was all involuntary/it was me, and my fault’. It’s a conundrum alright, but I find if you explain yourself fully, understanding tends to be your reward. Equally unfortunately, this is not the first round of apologies I have had to make in my life. (A time machine to 2002 would most likely find me apologising for the years 1996-2001)


After leaving JL around 6, I had to go to my dreaded Thursday class – ‘Biological Basis of Behaviour’. After working my ass off for a couple of weeks, I had been disappointed that the teacher of my Wednesday class had not marked my recently-handed-in essay, being that I thought it was rather good, frankly. Unlike my Thursday class, my Wednesday ‘Foundations of Modern Psychology’ class is the most interesting thing I have ever been a part of – I actually ENJOYED researching and writing my essay.


However, Thursday is a different matter. The class is fucking hard, and rooted in science and biology, two subjects I’ve not studied in the past, and have no interest or capacity to do so in the future. With that in mind, I have aimed for a ‘pass’. I was particularly worried last week, when I handed in my first essay ‘The Differences Between The Right and Left Hemisphere Of The Brain’. The problem, really, was that I felt I could answer the question in about 4 lines. This is never a good sign for an essay of considerable size.


So, in came padding – extensive research, history, modern examples of study – which all complimented my correct, but far too vague, answer. And the result? 54%. And I am fucking delighted. I lost 10% for not having a reference section at the end (oops) and another few percentage points for including web links in the main text as my references. But the comments were really pleasing – ‘well written’, ‘well researched’, ‘enjoyable’ – and it put me in a great mood for the entirety of the class, which was about the biological process of anxiety. In my mind, technicalities stopped me from getting around 70%, which is a HUGE achievement for a first essay in 13 years, especially with it being on a subject I don’t actually really ‘understand’.


And that, dear readers, draws this blog entry to a close.


Until next time, I bid you all farewell. Except anonymous email guy – you can go fuck yourself.


Lots of love,

Closed Box


3 Responses to “Much A-Jew About Nothing”

  1. UrbanVox Says:

    some people are so clueless…

  2. Neil Says:

    Don’t let the dickheads put you off.

    Well done for the essay results- I wouldn’t fancy going back to studies myself, and take my hat off to anyone willing to put themselves up for self improvement in later years (you are nearly thirty after all).

    As for the apologising- did you bash that one out at Florence House? I am about to post something on the Hoffie site about reverting to old negative patterns, as I have suddenly found a big one has reappeared (and not even listed on the ‘fines’ blog last week- gotta be worth at least £35 though) without me realising it.

  3. David Levy Says:

    Cheers Neil!

    What’s the pattern?

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