Dunkin’ Do Not

December 2, 2008

Welcome, welcome, one and all, and welcome to ‘Back and to the Future’, the blog that kept voting Ruth, if only to see her epic boobs on X-Factor every Saturday night. RIP my gargantuan-chested Spanish senorita.


Readers, it is said that you learn new things every day. This, of course, is bullshit. If you’re anything like me, there are occasional days when you’re up for no particular reason (porn reading the bible) until the early hours, and the following day, you’re just happy to stay awake, and couldn’t really give a fuck about learning new shit. Anyway, I digress.


This weekend, I learnt something new about sex. Which is an interesting one for me, because I was at least fairly certain I had a pretty good grasp of the subject as it was. But no, there is new shit even I didn’t know about.


Apparently, nearly drowning is a turn on. NEARLY. FUCKING. DROWNING. I have a friend, a friend we’ll call Julie, and this weekend, I’m talking to Julie and Julie proceeds to tell me she’s fucked up. ‘Oh’ says I, interested, as being fucked up appeals to my love of the macabre ‘what’s up?’ So Julie begins to tell me about her fetish. When in the bath, Julie likes to have her head repeatedly dunked under water as she is bent over on all fours in the water. The faster things go, the faster the head dunking goes, making her shorter and shorter of breath, until she feels as though she is drowning. This, apparently, makes her orgasm. Just makes me think that someone’s going to have to clean up a very messy bathroom. But that’s because I’m an OCD freakazoid.


Either way, I don’t get that one at all, but have moved Julie off my ‘never say never’ list, and on to my ‘colour me intrigued’ one.


Aside from seeing Kevin Smith’s ‘Zack and Miri Make a Porno’ (short review: pretty funny, too much male nudity, ending tacked on, Elizabeth Banks = goddess) the weekend was a mixture of attempting to revise, and lots of saying to myself ‘hey, shouldn’t I be revising?’ I expect this to continue for the next 2 weeks as I work my way through to my end of year exams.


Monday, however, was one of the more positive days I have had in a long, long time – and I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but in-between telling people to fuck off, making jokes about Jews and general self-depreciation, I’m a pretty positive guy to start with.


As is generally the case when I’m wearing my Ramones t-shirt, (and yes, I like the band – I didn’t just buy into some fashion fad in 2002) I was in a pretty good mood anyway. And then I get a call from a recruitment company out of nowhere, telling me they want me to interview for a job – sweet! And then, I got an email:


I understand you would be interested in sharing your experience of the Process with the media. 


I would like to put together a profile of you – either by interviewing you over the phone, or by you providing a few paragraphs on email.


A journalist will then want to interview you over the phone – it will take no longer than 15 minutes. It would be great if you could provide me with a few details so I can start drafting your ‘blurb’: age, where you live, a few lines about why you decided to try The Hoffman Process, how your life has changed since you took the Process 


Please can you also email me a recent picture of yourself to send to the media, alongside your profile? If you have any questions at all please do not hesitate to contact me.


Best wishes,


And my never-ending diatribes in this blog will attest, I am rarely short of words, so I’m rather looking forward to sharing my experiences – honestly, and with no agenda or personal vendetta to ‘push’. Should go nicely with my attending ‘Closure’ for a second time on January 15th. (Did anyone else get this?)


And I think that will do for today. There’s more to talk about, but frankly, I can’t be fucked.


Love to you all,

Closed Box


6 Responses to “Dunkin’ Do Not”

  1. Neil Says:

    I haven’t been approached for an interview re Hoffman, but you are a great ambassador for the process- tell it like it was for all of us!
    As for the bath thing, you should have included an editor’s note saying don’t try this at home unless supervised by a responsible adult. I will admit though, that I have a good friend, whom I shall call Anna (‘cos thats her name), who gets very excited at being on all fours in water, and does hold her head under, but just long enough to pick up a stick and run back to me to throw again. Is this the same thing that you were talking about?

  2. UrbanVox Says:

    hey that’s cool mate!
    when and where is it out?
    Today something strange happened… I got an e-mail from someone ASKING to advertise on my blog! lol!

  3. David Levy Says:

    Neil – if you’re not a responsible adult (or an adult, at least) you really shouldn’t be in the bath doing that sort of thing in the first place.

    UrbanVox – stay tuned. I’m sure if and when it happens, there MIGHT just be a mention of it right here…

  4. John C. Says:

    I used to think that I heard them all, it just shows you that it is never too late to learn ha-ha.

    Neil nice one mate ha-ha.

  5. Den Says:

    Neil! You dark horse you! x

  6. Neil Says:

    Hey Den

    I am still waiting for your contri to the £865 blog!! I suspect you would top even my score, so don’t be shy!!!

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